Harry Potter and the Search For The Plot
by pop the bubbles
Summary: WARNING: this story may contain strange, random occurences, no plots, and rabid purple donkeys. Those of u with young children may want to stop reading now, before things get insanely.... insane. NOT by Paintedsecrets
1. Stuff Happens

**Harry Potter and The Search For The Plot**  
  
**Disclaimer: I don't own JK Rowling's characters, plots, ideas, or the number 5. I have, however, trademarked my insanity, so I suggest u do not attempt to steal it from me, because I also own a man-eating hole puncher.  
  
Summary: I decided I wanted 2 write a parody, but I had no plot, so I decided the plot would be that I had no plot. ( hee hee, look, i said it 3 times!)  
  
WARNING: this story may contain strange, random occurences, no plots, and rabid purple donkeys. Those of u with young children may want to stop reading now, before things get insanely.... insane.  
  
The 1st Chapter- Stuff Happens **(spooky)  
  
One day, there was a story about three dancing combs and an angry college professor who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professor who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professor who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professer who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professor who was..... wow, that's some run-on sentence.  
  
Anyway, fortunately for you, that is not what the story is about, or the whole chapter would be taken up by the three dancing combs and the angry college professor arguing pointlessly about many things that would be pointless, kind of like the pointless writing that I am pointlessly writing right now. I tend to trail of a lot......................................this is fun.........................................i like brocolli........................and spoons sometimes attack me at night so i don't think i like those very much................................................does this even have a point?..............wait...................NO! So without even FURTHER adeiu ( i like that word),  
I will officially begin the story the actually started two paragraphs ago.  
  
Once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid. **Harry, Hermione, and Ron appear lake appears Gaint Squid appears  
**  
" Have you got any 5's?" Ron asked the Squid.  
  
" Go fish!" the Squid said, "ha ha!"  
  
"Ummm..... okay, but I didn't say 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid playing cards'."  
  
"Oh, really?" said Ron, puzzled, "I thought you said 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid playing cards.'"  
  
"No, I didn't, I said 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid.'"  
  
" But distinctly heard 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid playing cards.'"  
  
" Will you two cut it out!?!?!" asked Harry in an annoying tone which was terribly annoying, but worked nonetheless.  
  
"Fine! Be that way!" said the hurt author, quickly typing: _Harry got eaten by a shark._  
  
Harry got eaten by a shark.  
  
"Yay!" cried Voldemort who appeared out of nowhere on top of the Squid who, by the way, somehow managed to grow lungs and breathe above water.  
  
"Wait, what are you doing here?" asked Hermione, obviously confused by the fact that nothing was making sense.  
  
" Well, now that Harry is dead, I get to rule the world!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Bow to me, feel my wrath etc!"  
  
" Oh no you don't!" Hermione and Ron said at the same time.  
  
" Oh yes I do!"  
  
"Not fair!"  
  
"Is so!"  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is so!"  
  
"IS NOT!"  
  
"IS SO!"  
  
"RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione screamed. Voldemort leaped back and squeeled like a little baby, but regained his composure. (look at all the long words).  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled even louder.  
  
"SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!" bellowed the exasperated author on the top of her lungs. Everyone froze in mid-scene and looked at her. It was so quiet you could hear the crickets chirping.  
  
"You too," the author added, at which point the crickets obidiently shut up. " YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME MAD! I'm going to count to three, and when I turn around, I expect you to be BEHAVED!!!One........two........three!" the author turned around to total silence, "Good. Now, we're going to solve this problem like MATURE ADULTS! Hermione, what did Voldemort do?"  
  
"Well, for one, he Appearated on Hogwarts grounds. Then, he said he was going to take over the world and made loud meows, when everyone knows that it doesn't fit into the format of the story!" Hermione finished in one breath.  
  
"Voldemort?"  
  
"I can do whatever I want if Harry's dead!" Voldemort announced.  
  
"Fine," the author said typing: _Harry came back to life._  
  
"Wait! You need a reason!" Hermione stated in a know-it-all voice which as equally annoying as Harry's.  
  
Harry came back to life because the shark swallowed him whole and spat him out, and little piggies danced all around Hermione singing "Ring Around The Rosy" until Hermione apoligized for being as equally annoying as Harry.  
  
"I'm sorry for being as equally annoying as Harry!" Hermione yelled over the dancing piggies. The piggies then moved over to Voldemort to cause him great annoyance.  
  
"Hey, I'm back!" said a surprisingly unscathed Harry. All of a sudden, two long sticks attaked him.  
  
"Before we start to get too off track, can I just say that there isn't any point to this?" Ron mentioned to the author who was busily typing more ways to write things that had no point.  
  
"Alright, have it your way! But I'll have to start a new chapter!" the author said threateningly.  
  
"Oh no! Not a new chapter, anything but a damned new chapter!!!" Harry said trying to get away from the sticks.  
  
But it was too late, because the author decided to say those two final words that......that finish stuff: THE END.  
  
**A/N: REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chapter Two will be posted when I get at least 3 reviews!** **(And you can cheat if you can review 3 times under different names. Oops, I just typed that didn't I?)**

**ON TO CHAPTER TWO: THE SEARCH FOR SOMETHING USEFUL!!!**


	2. The Search For Something Useful

**Replies to reviews:  
  
Sennica01-(Does your muse live in your pinky finger and yell at you if you don't write what they order you to?) yeah, .... why is that?  
  
siruisgrl76- i'm trying damn it, i'm trying!!  
  
JacksApprentice-u're right, i've nevers tries its, buts it's FUNS!!  
  
Avalon Estel- you accuse me of owning a plot? hmph! i am now truley offenederated!!!( i like that word.....offenderated; like offended, just not really in the dictionary)  
  
YAY! 6 reviewsies!!!!!! i happy now!!!!!! :D  
  
Sometimes i wonder if i'd be half as funny if i was sane........... hmmm................don't think so.  
**  
**Chapter 2- The Search For Something Useful (Or: The Search For Something Useful to put into the damned plot that makes no sense in any language( except maybe pig latin.... because nothing makes sense in it anyway)!!!  
**  
  
Our chapter begins as our heroes are searching for something useful to put into the damned plot that makes no sense in any language( except maybe pig latin....because nothing makes sense in it anyway)!!!  
  
"Does anyone else hear that annoying narrator voice?" Harry questioned.  
  
"Yeah, what is that?" Ron answered, looking around for anyone who might be in possetion of an annoying narrator voice.  
  
"Oh for heaven's sake! You're supposed to ignore it!" said the author. Then, there was complete and total silence.  
  
"Um..... why is it so quiet?" Hermione interrupted in a small voice, afraid that the author might plauge her with dancing piggies again.  
  
"I'm having writer's block! Okay, I admit it!!!!!" the author said in tears, " I can't think of anything random and strange enough to fill up all this room!!!"  
  
"Oh look, a gaint flying rabid purple donkey!" Ron said looking in the sky.  
  
"That was fast," Harry commented.  
  
"Yeah, I've never seen a writer's block that's lasted 30 seconds before," Hermione replied.  
  
"Oh, you foolish characters, when will you ever learn that my endless insanity comes from a bottomless well of endless insanity?" the author said in as much wiseness as she could muster.  
  
"You can't muster a lot of wiseness, can you?" Ron asked, after which he was immediately forced to watch 100 hours of educational T.V.  
  
"That will teach you to question my brain comasity!" the author said, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Now, what was I going to do next?"  
  
...........................................................................100 hours later............................................................................  
  
"You know, it's interesting," Hermione began," that the author just types 100 hours later, and it's 100 hours later..... but barely any real time has passed at all."  
  
At that moment, Ron walked into the room, appearantly dazed.  
  
"So Ron, how was the educational programming? Did you leard anything?" Hermione asked gently, trying to start a conversation.  
  
" Did you know dogs have 3 eyelids?" Ron said in a detached sort of voice,"one on the top of the eye, one on the bottom, and another clear one called a haw to keep dirt out of its eyes?"  
  
" That's interesting. Listen, we really have to get-"  
  
" An owl can turn its head 180 degrees." Ron interrupted, staring at the wall blankly.  
  
"Oooooooo! A Fact- Off!" said the excited author, " I know, I know! Pencil shavings are edible!"  
  
"How do you know this?" asked Hermioe, distracted.  
  
"Um... because," the author said, caught off guard, but then, realizing added, "because the author is always superior! Never question the author's authority!"  
  
"Okay, relax, it was just a question!"  
  
"And how do I know that you're not on a mission to destroy my ego?"  
  
" Because such a task would be pointless and-"  
  
"Abiotic means non-living," Ron answered, still staring at the wall, not noticing anything around him.  
  
"Is this going to keep up for long?" Harry asked eyeing Ron cautiously.  
  
"I don't know, I don't think I've ever done something this stupid and dangerous to a person before," the author answered, " but then again, there was that time I-"  
  
"Can't you just type him normal again?" Harry asked.  
  
"Hey wait, why didn't Hermione think of that?" the extremly confused author wanted to know.  
  
"Well, I can't think of EVERYTHING!" Hermione said, annoyed.  
  
"Geez," huffed the author, typing: _Ron came back to his old dumb self.  
_  
"What is the point of this?" asked Ron who was back to his dumb old self.  
  
"The point of what?"  
  
"This whole thing with the educational programming, and the boring facts."  
  
"Oh that," the author answered refusing to admit that she was only doing it to take up room, "Look, a possesed yellow cable wire riding a giant flying purple rabid donkey!"  
  
"Isn't that the same one from a 100 hours ago?" Harry wondered.  
  
"Yeah, actually I think it is," said the author, wondering the same exact thing.  
  
"I'm sure I've read about this," Hermione stated, causing everyone to roll their eyes, "these things all have something in common."  
  
"Thanks Einstien!" the author said sarcastically, not catching on, "they're both in this story, doing random things! I mean, like duh, wasn't that obvious?"  
  
"No, I mean they all have something to do with some kind of _plot_. So if we found the source of all this, we'd find the plot, and the story might stop being so annoyingly random."  
  
"Sometimes I dream that bagpipe playing pickles come into my bedroom and take all of my Christmas presents," Ron decided to say.  
  
"See what I mean?"  
  
"Yeah, okay, but this means I'll have to start _another_ new chapter."  
  
"Oh no! Not a new chapter, anything but a damned new chapter!!!" Harry replied.  
  
"Dejavu," Ron commented.  
  
"Bless you!" the author replied, pressed **'save this file'**, and posted it on the net, right here where you're reading it now.  
  
**A/N: Ron's facts are true btw, and I also DID have writer's block when I was doing this, which is why I'm going to try and make up for the lack of strangeness in this chapter, by writing Chapter 3- More Stuff Happens!! Also btw, I made all this up on the spot, since, of course, I have no plot (look at the rhymingness!) I like worms and clothes hangers. Either way, before I trail off again, I'd just like to say that anyone who wants to be worthy of my royal praise should review RIGHT NOW! Actually, you'll be the review_er_ writing a revi_ew _for the review_ee_ .... and if that makes any sense to you, then you're at least half as crazy as I am!!YAY!**


	3. Author's Plea PLEA, u hear that?

**Author's plea for forgiveness:**

I have **3** assignments, **4** tests and **a project** due next week, (NO JOKE) so i wont be able to write so often until Nov. 7th or so. I'm REALLY sorry about the delay, but i know u guys are the best so u'll forgive me

**If ur response is:**

BOO HOO HOO!!! then it'll make u feel better if i say that i still have **a lot** of the chapter done !!!!


	4. BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO etc

I have officially called writer's block here! I can't stand it! I can't think of ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to get my rage out, excuse me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright, done

If any kind soul on this planet can send in a few lines or an idea or anything actually that'd help this poor story, I'd kiss your virtual feet as well as i can over the internet. u guys, PLEASE! i'm serious, SEND SOMETHING IN!!!!!!

paramedics come and take author who is now in hysterics


End file.
